Horror Film Survival Tips #3

Your child has been acting strange lately and you have been hearing strange sounds coming from their room in the middle of the night. When you enter the room you notice that the door to their closet is moving. Your child tells you not to open it because a monster in hiding in it. What do you do?

A. Open the closet, because there are no such things as monsters!

B. Listen to your child and leave the room without opening it.

C. Tell your kid that if they don’t stop making noise you’ll show them who the real monster is.

The answer is, of course, letter A. Children quite often have very fertile imaginations, so what are the chances that a monster is actually hiding in their closet? ZERO! You are the parent, you are supposed to show them who is boss, so open that closet door in confidence because you are in charge! What is really in the closet? There are only clothes and toys inside of it and do those move all by themselves? Of course not! So, get in there and do the right thing. Open that closet door!

Horror Film Survival Tips: #2

Let’s say that you are in an old abandoned high school with a bunch of friends. You all used to go to the school as teenagers and are having a spooky old time wandering about the empty hallways and hearing strange noises. While you are innocently standing in a cobweb filled hallway blood drips all over your head from the ceiling above. What do you do?

A. Scream and get the hell out of there.

B. Go to the the locker room and take a shower.

C. Just laugh it off and continue hanging out with your friends.

The correct answer is B, go to the locker room and take a shower. Nothing is worse than being in a haunted building and getting dust or blood all over your clothes. You spent the whole day trying to find just the right outfit for exploring and then this happens! How annoying! Surely, deciding to take a shower to get the worse of the grime off isn’t a bad idea? The water will of course mysteriously turn on only because you are lucky, not because of some evil unseen force. Remember, it’s a good thing to be clean and hygienic looking no matter where you are!

Horror Film Survival Tips #1

Nifty Films cares about your well being. If you were to suddenly find yourself in the middle of a horror film what would you do? More than likely you would pee in your pants, but that doesn’t mean that you will be automatically killed. I am starting this new series of tips that just may help you live another day.

You find yourself in a cabin in the woods with a group of friends in the middle of the night. I mean, they might not totally be your friends because they may not like the way you eat or the fact that you do loud farts. However, that doesn’t matter! What does matter is that you have heard a strange groaning sound coming from somewhere outside the cabin. None of your friends heard it, and start calling you an idiot. What should you do?

A. Start crying and telling your friends that they’re mean.

B. Ignore your friends and the sound.

C. Go outside and find out what the sound is.

The right answer is C; you should go outside and find out what the sound is. Who has the courage to go outside in the foggy woods and find out what is going on? You do! That’s right, by going outside and investigating it you may become a hero. It could be a horny racoons, or an angry local with a taste for human flesh; it doesn’t matter! Imagine the thanks that you will get from your friends when you get back to the cabin and tell them that nothing is the matter! Not only will you be a hero, you will become the subject of stories for years to come.

Now, get out of that cabin and bravely go forth!